yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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