Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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