There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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