I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
