She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
