Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
