So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
