Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got inside last night via doggy door
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
