im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
