Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
