I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
