saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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