Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
