ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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