I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
