I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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