Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Randomize
