how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
