I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
