Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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