so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
from now on my penis is your penis
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
