Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
