I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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