k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
