i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
