carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
