like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
