I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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