So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
