Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
