I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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