if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
