I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
