I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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