Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
