I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
