There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
