haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
no you cant smoke seaweed
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
