bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
