in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
