Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
