I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
