I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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