I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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