me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
