Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
