im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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