too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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