dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Such a big mess for such a small penis
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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