Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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