This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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