He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
