Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
