I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
