Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
