i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
