its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
