my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
