Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
