More tranny stories later!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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