i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
