Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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