I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
