Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
3pm strippers are depressing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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