I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
