Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
