I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
