haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
