i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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