My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
