It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
