I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
